So, my mom took this picture tonight of Dad and Bree. I guess this shows Dad's current state. He is declining fast again - I guess the nurses had to help him eat breakfast this morning. When my mom got there after lunch, his lunch was just sitting there uneaten. I feel so bad for him.

I think the honest truth right now is that I have taken a mental vacation. Last year when this all started I had to be so strong for my mom and dad - and now, I can't deal with it! I don't know what happened from then to now, but I can't watch my dad suffer like this! It's unbearable. At least my kids have been strong and have had faith through it all.

I need to figure out what to do or I may have regrets for the rest of my life. Believe me, I have many of those too. But, I love him more than anything and am just struggling with seeing him like this.

I have band camp next week - maybe by the time I get back I can begin to deal with things again...

Weekly Update

I had guard camp all last week, so didn't get to see Dad - what a long week. He has another infection and is not doing well at all.

Still sleeping a lot and is starting to miss meals. Hopefully now they have him on medicine to clear up the infection, he will start to feel a little better.

Weekly Update

Dad has been sleeping more and more the past little while. Everytime I go, he is sleeping and it is next to impossible to wake him.

Mom and I met with Hospice on Friday - they were very nice and hopefully can help to make Dad comfortable and happy in what seems to be the last little bit of his life.

We love Dad so much and wish things were different. We will hold on to him dearly for all the time we have left with him.

Update from Karen

I am so grateful to Tiffany for keeping all of you updated. Gary has certainly lost a lot of ground over the past year. Last night when I spoke to him he said he was in a disciplinary council with his clerks. This is just a sample of what he is going through. He has traveled in his mind all over the United States. It should be very fun for him, but instead it is frightening. He feels like people are trying to hurt him or he is trying to hurt people. This disease is dreadful. When Gary's mind is somewhat clear he just looks at me with the saddest eyes. He knows something is wrong but doesn't know what to do about it. He is becoming more confused. The other night he couldn't remember how to get to the dining room. He sleeps a lot of the time. I find him that way almost every time I go now. Don't be afraid to wake him up if you visit. Nine times out of ten he won't remember who was there. Many times I just sit in the chair and rock while he sleeps.

This is certainly not the way we expected to spend the "Golden Years" together. Life seems to
throw us many curves, but I can only hope Heavenly Father will watch over him and help both of us endure to the end.

Love to you all - especially for your concern for Gary. It has not gone unnoticed by all of us.
Karen

So Sorry!

Well, I must apologize for my lack of posts lately! I think I have taken a mental vacation - wish I had gone somewhere fun...

Dad has slowly been declining the past few months. It sure is hard to watch - again. It seems we have been through this last year at the other nursing home. It's hard to know what will happen next - if he'll keep getting worse, or if things will start to look up a little.

He has started going in other peoples rooms thinking it's his - I think he goes for walks around the nursing home and forgets where he is. He called me the other night really upset because he thought I was lying to him about something (I couldn't figure out what it was). It's so hard to see him like this - it doesn't seem to get any easier for us!

Mom wanted to try and get him out so we took him to lunch on Saturday to his favorite place. He didn't talk much - even though we tried to get him to. He also seemed so unsteady - even with his walker.

Anyways, thanks for your continued support and patience with me. I will try to be better with the updates!

Update

Not much is new with Dad the past few days. Some days he has been in better spirits, but still very confused. My mom is taking him to a doctor's appointment today - just for a check-up.

Sorry I don't have more news.

Memorial Day

We met at Dad's Monday morning to take him to some of the grave sites - we first went to Magna to see Grandma & Grandpa Alldredge (he stayed in the car) and then we headed to Grandma Rupp's, his mother. He sure had a hard time getting around, but he made it. 3 of his sisters were there as well as Grandpa Rupp and some of the cousins and their families. I know Dad was happy to see them, but he didn't say much.

We picked up lunch after that and took him back. He cried a lot, but couldn't convey what was wrong. I think it was just a long, emotional day for him. But, it sure was great to see the family and have him there with us.