August 16, 2010

Gary's Journey ended today, August 16 at 2:13pm, with his family by his side.

WE LOVE YOU DAD AND CAN'T WAIT UNTIL WE SEE YOU AGAIN.

Thank You

Well, it has been a rough week for Dad and all of us. As some of you know, I was called home Tuesday night from band camp and we have been here with Dad since. We have been blessed, as has Dad, to have his family here to see him as well as many friends. We are awaiting for him to return home, as I know he is!

It has been a hard week on all of us, knowing that we had to say goodbye. But, we know he is needed on the other side and is anxious to get going and get some work done!

He is the most amazing man I know. He has taught me, and many others, what is important in this life. Most of us know that one of Dad's #1 loves is the scriptures. He has taught so many from that book and has taught us to love it.

Dad, you have been a valiant and loyal servant to our Heavenly Father. He loves you as we do.

Matthew 25:21 "His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things; enter thou into the joy of thy lord."

Thank you to everyone for all your love and support through this time. We are truly blessed to have such wonderful family and friends.
Much love,
Tiffany

So, my mom took this picture tonight of Dad and Bree. I guess this shows Dad's current state. He is declining fast again - I guess the nurses had to help him eat breakfast this morning. When my mom got there after lunch, his lunch was just sitting there uneaten. I feel so bad for him.

I think the honest truth right now is that I have taken a mental vacation. Last year when this all started I had to be so strong for my mom and dad - and now, I can't deal with it! I don't know what happened from then to now, but I can't watch my dad suffer like this! It's unbearable. At least my kids have been strong and have had faith through it all.

I need to figure out what to do or I may have regrets for the rest of my life. Believe me, I have many of those too. But, I love him more than anything and am just struggling with seeing him like this.

I have band camp next week - maybe by the time I get back I can begin to deal with things again...

Weekly Update

I had guard camp all last week, so didn't get to see Dad - what a long week. He has another infection and is not doing well at all.

Still sleeping a lot and is starting to miss meals. Hopefully now they have him on medicine to clear up the infection, he will start to feel a little better.

Weekly Update

Dad has been sleeping more and more the past little while. Everytime I go, he is sleeping and it is next to impossible to wake him.

Mom and I met with Hospice on Friday - they were very nice and hopefully can help to make Dad comfortable and happy in what seems to be the last little bit of his life.

We love Dad so much and wish things were different. We will hold on to him dearly for all the time we have left with him.

Update from Karen

I am so grateful to Tiffany for keeping all of you updated. Gary has certainly lost a lot of ground over the past year. Last night when I spoke to him he said he was in a disciplinary council with his clerks. This is just a sample of what he is going through. He has traveled in his mind all over the United States. It should be very fun for him, but instead it is frightening. He feels like people are trying to hurt him or he is trying to hurt people. This disease is dreadful. When Gary's mind is somewhat clear he just looks at me with the saddest eyes. He knows something is wrong but doesn't know what to do about it. He is becoming more confused. The other night he couldn't remember how to get to the dining room. He sleeps a lot of the time. I find him that way almost every time I go now. Don't be afraid to wake him up if you visit. Nine times out of ten he won't remember who was there. Many times I just sit in the chair and rock while he sleeps.

This is certainly not the way we expected to spend the "Golden Years" together. Life seems to
throw us many curves, but I can only hope Heavenly Father will watch over him and help both of us endure to the end.

Love to you all - especially for your concern for Gary. It has not gone unnoticed by all of us.
Karen

So Sorry!

Well, I must apologize for my lack of posts lately! I think I have taken a mental vacation - wish I had gone somewhere fun...

Dad has slowly been declining the past few months. It sure is hard to watch - again. It seems we have been through this last year at the other nursing home. It's hard to know what will happen next - if he'll keep getting worse, or if things will start to look up a little.

He has started going in other peoples rooms thinking it's his - I think he goes for walks around the nursing home and forgets where he is. He called me the other night really upset because he thought I was lying to him about something (I couldn't figure out what it was). It's so hard to see him like this - it doesn't seem to get any easier for us!

Mom wanted to try and get him out so we took him to lunch on Saturday to his favorite place. He didn't talk much - even though we tried to get him to. He also seemed so unsteady - even with his walker.

Anyways, thanks for your continued support and patience with me. I will try to be better with the updates!

Update

Not much is new with Dad the past few days. Some days he has been in better spirits, but still very confused. My mom is taking him to a doctor's appointment today - just for a check-up.

Sorry I don't have more news.

Memorial Day

We met at Dad's Monday morning to take him to some of the grave sites - we first went to Magna to see Grandma & Grandpa Alldredge (he stayed in the car) and then we headed to Grandma Rupp's, his mother. He sure had a hard time getting around, but he made it. 3 of his sisters were there as well as Grandpa Rupp and some of the cousins and their families. I know Dad was happy to see them, but he didn't say much.

We picked up lunch after that and took him back. He cried a lot, but couldn't convey what was wrong. I think it was just a long, emotional day for him. But, it sure was great to see the family and have him there with us.

Reflecting

Three posts in three days - wow, that should be a record, I'm sure. I have been thinking a lot today about Dad. I got a great email from my aunt, and for the first time in A LONG time, I cried. I haven't cried about Dad for so long, because I think I have just come to accept that this is how he will be from now on. But, today I cried - I cried because I miss him, I cried because I feel so helpless, and I cried because I hurt for him!! He is such an amazing person, why did this happen to him? But, I know there is a time for everything and this is just part of our trial here on earth!

Dad has taught me so much about love and kindness (he tried teaching me patience, but it didn't work...). I am so thankful for all he has given me. I miss him so much, but I am thankful for the time we still have with him.

Weird Night

We haven't been able to get a hold of Dad all day - his phone is always busy, which happens a lot. So, me and my mom went over tonight to see what was going on. Dad had thrown the phone in the garbage can - when we asked him why he said because of the cowboy thing going on.?
He is saying a lot of things like he did when he was in the hospital - so again, it just seems like he is continuing going downhill.

Update

Well, I know that all my updates are pretty depressing - and I am sorry for that. But not much progress is happening with Dad. In fact, it seems things are getting worse. I talked to him on the phone yesterday and he said he felt like he needed to go over to the other side. So, we went in to see him to make sure he was ok. He wouldn't get out of bed, and was pretty confused about where he was. I had to force him to go to dinner, which I don't think he was happy about. Once there, he was confused about how to sit in the chair...? It is heartbreaking to see him this way!

I know a lot of you have asked about my mom - she is doing okay. Still working full time and is with Dad after work everyday. So, it's definitely taking a toll on her, but she is hanging in there. As for my family, we aren't able to get to Dad's everyday anymore. We now go every other day. Dad has such a hard time with my kids, and they don't understand why he acts the way he does. So, I try to go when he is in a better mood. I hate for them to remember Dad this way instead of his happy old self...

Overdue Update

I'm not sure why everytime I'm with Dad, I forget to take pictures! I used to be really good about it but definitely have slacked in that department.

Anyways, it was Jack's birthday on Friday and my mom brought Dad over to the house to celebrate with us - it seemed to be too much for him. He had a horrible time getting up my stairs, and he was very quiet the whole night. I'm not sure he remembered all of Dusty's family, but it was sure nice to have him there!

Mom took him for a long ride up Provo Canyon on Mother's Day. I hope he enjoyed getting out, but Mom said his nerves were pretty bad.

Anyways, not too much new going on. Just love Dad, and love you all for your continued support.

Update

Dad has slowly been getting worse the past few weeks. It's getting harder for me to take the kids over every day because he gets snappy with them and impatient. And, sometimes he forgets their names and they don't understand why? It's pretty heartbreaking. I feel such a lose right now, but sometimes it's hard to understand why. I mean, Dad is still here - but only physically. I really want him back and know that's not going to happen.

He has been having some pretty bad hallucinations lately. He forgets where he is and it's very frustrating to him. Lately, he is forgetting how to use the phone and he gets so mad when he can't figure it out! My mom is over there everyday and we are there almost everyday, but he forgets that we were there and gets angry when he thinks we haven't been there. The other day he told me I hadn't been there for 3 weeks...

He is still able to eat and get around - he did fall again the other night though. I think he is just a little unsteady on his feet.

Nothing New

Just sitting here at my computer and thought I'd write a quick update. Dad is still declining! He is getting more and more confused. Yesterday the kids and I went over about 3:30pm. He wasn't in his room so we went to look for him. He was in the dining room, all by himself, waiting for dinner. I explained that dinner wasn't served until 6pm. So, we walked him back to his room and tried talking to him. He was so upset - he kept telling me that he didn't want to go back to work. I tried explaining that he's retired, but it wasn't sinking in.
That night with my mom, he kept telling her he had to lay cement for something - we are not sure what? I am just heartbroken for him! I know we went through this bad in the fall, but it doesn't seem to be any better this time around!

Week Update

So, Dad had a pretty bad fall on Thursday. He was getting up from dinner and lost his balance. He cut his hand and hit his head. They kept a good watch on him that night, but he seemed to be okay.

His confusion is getting worse. He seems to forget who he has seen and talked to. He forgets when we are there and when we talk on the phone. I know it's frustrating to him as well as us! I wish there was something we could do. He gets so lonely all the time, but when we are there has a hard time talking and communicating with us. I think a lot of it is because he's so tired all the time.

Hopefully next week will be better...

Overdue Update

I think I might have possibly checked out of life - so, I have been unable to update the blog on Dad. I hope things will slow down soon!!

Dad has not been doing well. It's so frustrating, but we really haven't seen much improvement since February. His nerves are horrible right now and no one knows how to help him calm down. He went home on Easter Sunday, but I think his nerves were too much for him.

He is still working on physical therapy - which I think he really hates!! He hates getting up much lately at all and seems to sleep a lot throughout the day.

I'm sorry the update is not more positive! It's hard knowing that Dad is really gone, even if he is here physically!!

Update

So, we took Dad out to dinner tonight for the first time in a while. He has been having such a hard time lately, we haven't dared taken him anywhere. I think he enjoyed getting out, but he kept asking my mom when we were leaving. He is still so confused! He asked Dusty how the police office was -?? I just feel so bad for him - you can tell he is having such a rough time.

He seemed to do ok while we were in California - mom takes good care of him!

Quick Update

We are getting ready to leave town for a week (Disneyland!!), so I thought I'd quickly update Dad's blog. He has really been struggling lately. His mind seems to be going back to when he gets things so mixed up. Yesterday when I called him, he asked me how to dial the phone - he didn't understand. I feel so bad for him - he is just so confused!
He does seem to be a little stronger physically, but his emotional state is not good. I know he probably doesn't show it, but I know he loves to see everyone.

Thanks again for all your support. I will check in after a week!

Another Meeting

So, yesterday we had a meeting with someone from Mountainland who evaluates Dad to see if he's ready to be moved into Assisted Living. He has sure struggled the past few weeks, but all she did was ask some questions. So, hopefully he'll start doing better and we'll be able to move him in April.

He has been pretty week the past few days and seems pretty confused. He is getting in a habit of calling me and my mom in the middle of the night - I think he gets the times mixed up. But, we just try to explain to him what's going on and usually he calms down.

Thanks so much for your continued prayers and support!

Meeting Update

Today we had a meeting with a few of the workers from the care center. They just wanted to touch bases about where dad's care is and should go in the future. At this time, they don't feel it's safe to have him moved to the Assisted Living section - so, hopefully dad will get stronger in the next few weeks so we can move him. He slept through the meeting - trying to get him on the right medication is sure hard on him right now!

I think the meeting was encouraging - at least, they made us feel like he was being taken care of and that we were doing all that we should. They told us that dad is where he should be - and that taking him home would be very unsafe right now (we could barely get him to the restroom to brush his teeth this morning - he is very unsteady).

Anyways, there's a quick update.

Update

So, I seem to be doing a lot of apologizing for not updating this blog more. Things have been a bit frustrating and difficult lately, and I couldn't find the "drive" to do much!

Dad has not been doing well at all. The past few weeks, he has been sleeping almost all day long. Then last week, he seemed to be getting more and more confused. It seems the dementia is getting worse - or at least going back to where it was a few months ago. It's very frustrating! He also has another kidney infection. It seems that when he gets infections, his memory gets worse. So, hopefully when they clear that up, it will help with his mind a little.

He has been so confused lately. The other day he thought he was at the temple. Today, he was outside his room waiting for people to come for interviews. I feel so bad for him! He also has had a twitch on his face the past two days. The doctor thinks it was caused by new medication, so they have taken him off it.

Keep praying for Dad. He is sure having a hard time right now. It's so hard knowing what to do for him.

Quick Update

It has been a while again since I posted last, but nothing new has happened. Dad is still hanging in there. We have taken him to lunch a few times - which I'm not sure he has enjoyed. Wednesday we took him to Olive Garden and he hardly spoke. I feel so bad for him.

He does seem to be getting weaker too and is having a hard time getting around. We were also supposed to move him by today, but we haven't seen any paper work, so who knows if that will happen...

Catch Up

Wow, what a crazy few weeks it has been. I've pretty much abandoned this blog (and my personal one). This is my really busy time at work and it's pretty much consumed my life the past few weeks, so I apologize for not updating more.
Dad has sure been struggling lately. He is so sad all the time. We took him and the kids to Pirate Island last week. He always seems to enjoy being with the kids, but it still wears him out quickly. We also had a few lunches at Olive Garden (his favorite place).
We are still hoping to move him, again, the 1st of February. We are not holding our breath, however! We are so thankful for all of you and your prayers! He sure needs them lately.

Here are a few pictures from the past few weeks.

Mom & Dad at Olive Garden

Miller Family at Pirate Island

Jack, Bree, Grandma, Grandpa

Frustration!

What a frustrating week it has been. We moved Dad to the assisted living section at Heritage on Saturday only to be told on Monday we had to move him back. Apparently, the paperwork was not finished and we won't be able to move him until the beginning of February! Dad was SO upset about all of this. The good thing though is that Heritage moved him the second time so we didn't have to again.
Dad is sure not doing well! He seems to be declining and in a bit of depression. We talked to the nurses about the possibility of medication to help get him through the days and nights better. We have tried taking him home on occasions to see how he does, and it doesn't seem to go very well! He is just a nervous wreck lately. I feel so bad for him and wish there was something we could do to make life easier for him. I guess we just keep praying for him!

Christmas Day

Dad had a great Christmas home - for the most part... His nerves seemed to get the better of him, but I know he enjoyed being home. He (and mom) did not sleep well at all so they were both pretty tired! But, we are just so thankful to have Dad here with us during the holidays. I hope everyone had a great Christmas. We did - even though it went way too quickly!